Inner and Outer Healing

Two years ago I had no idea that I needed inner healing; indeed, I had never even heard the term. Since then God has transformed me from the inside out using some gifted and caring people who shared these concepts with me. The people and resources that were most helpful to me were Marjorie Cole at Life Recovery Center, Layen and Shirley Adelmann with Family Foundations International, and the Transformation Series CD Set by John and Paula Sandford.

One of the catalysts that directed me toward inner healing was losing my sight in my left eye. In the fall of 2005 I contracted a rare parasite that infected my left cornea. After several months of severe pain, I was left with no sight in that eye. The first corneal transplant I had failed after six weeks, and I was again blind in my left eye for six more months until I could have the procedure repeated.

At my husband's chiropractic clinic, the doctor and staff had been performing emotional release techniques to help patients find more complete physical healing. One of the resources we use is the book Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol Truman, which lists the common emotional roots of many physical complaints. Since I wanted to give my new cornea every possible chance of success, I determined to search for and resolve every possible emotional and spiritual root that might affect it. That "opened my eyes" to the world of inner healing and how it can affect our physical health. I discovered there were indeed many spiritual roots behind the loss of my sight, and as I dealt with those in prayer, I grew closer to the Lord and found healing for many past hurts and lies that I had believed.

By the way, my new cornea is doing great; the doctor is amazed at how healthy it is every time she checks it. Thank you, God!

He Loves Us, Warts and All
As another example of how physical symptoms, illnesses, or dysfunction can point us to areas in our lives that need emotional and spiritual healing, I offer the story of the wart on my index finger. I had this unsightly wart right on the knuckle of my right index finger. It developed a couple of years ago, I guess, and with all my eye problems, I never paid much attention to it. But after making a great deal of progress with issues concerning my eye, I felt like it might be time to address this relatively minor but still aggravating condition.

I started by asking myself what symbolism relates to the afflicted body part. In other words, what does the index finger stand for? The first thing that came to mind was "pointing the finger," or judging. I was disappointed at that consideration, because I felt that I had been quite judgmental in the past, but that I had let go of that. As I prayed about it, however, God showed me some significant ways in which I was still judging others rather than taking responsibility myself. After working through that for a few days, I checked the wart to see if any changes were apparent. I thought it might be a little smaller, but I attributed that to my imagination.

Next I considered what other symbolic meaning the index finger has, and I realized that we stroke the right index finger with the left index finger when we say, "Shame on you!" Shame was certainly an issue for me, I knew. I had grown up in a very poor family. My parents were anything but "normal," and I was often ashamed of them. My father was bipolar and had horrific manners; my mother, although very sweet and kind, was schizophrenic. So I prayed about these issues again, although I had addressed them to some extent already.

As I was going through this process, the Lord put together some events and words that were spoken to me in close conjunction so that I found myself experiencing an uncharacteristic level of anger. Although I first assumed it was my husband's fault (who else?), upon closer reflection I realized that my anger at the small thing my husband had said was completely out of proportion. I was also experiencing a crazy headache brought on by exposure to rubber, which I have been sensitive to for as long as I can remember. It turned out the anger, the thing my husband had said, and the rubber were all related. As I was praying, God gave me a memory that was key to all three, and it was related to childhood sexual abuse I had experienced. Again, I thought I had already dealt with this issue, but the shame was still there. I struggled in prayer with the Lord that day, and He met me in a powerful way, giving me the grace to fully forgive the perpetrator while gently showing me my own sinfulness and His forgiveness and grace toward me.

Within a couple of days I noticed that the wart on my finger had shrunk by about half. It was not my imagination this time. Over the next week, it continued to shrink. I also prayed about feelings of being unattractive and gave those to the Lord.

Now that the wart was hardly noticeable, I wondered if I needed to do anything else. One day on a prayer walk I began to ask what other symbolism resides with the index finger. I thought about pointing out problems and directing (as one might point to someone and say, "You stand over there.") It occurred to me that those are actions that might represent the redemptive gifts of Prophet and Ruler, respectively. I considered all the Prophets with whom I had had difficult relationships and the Rulers toward whom I might feel animosity. Some friends and relatives came to mind, and I prayed to release judgment, forgive, and bless each of them.

The ones who seemed to be more significant were my two sisters, and I remembered a few of the more significant hurt feelings and prayed about those situations. When that was done, I felt that there was still something else. I remembered Arthur Burk's (Plumbline Ministries) teaching of reconciling the parts of your own spirit with each other. Having been raised with schizophrenia, I just didn't like Arthur's concept of speaking to the different portions of my own spirit in order to encourage them to get along with each other. Let's not foster multiple personalities, was my view!

Nevertheless, I felt that I had squelched in some way my own spirit's redemptive gifts of Prophet and Ruler. I'm a Teacher, but everyone's spirit contains some of each gift, and we become more well-rounded individuals when we can nurture the best qualities of all seven gifts. I could see that as a child when my feelings were hurt by my Prophet or Ruler sisters, I probably made an inner vow of "I'm never going to be like her." That judgment I made subdued the portions of my spirit that would be good at spotting and solving problems (Prophet) and organizing, directing, and administering (Ruler). So, feeling rather odd, I spoke to my own spirit and told my Prophet and Ruler portions that I released judgment toward them, I forgave them, and I blessed them, giving them permission to perform their functions in my life. I did have the feeling that I was a more complete person after that time of self-reconciliaton.

Well, you guessed it. After a week passed, there was no sign whatsoever of my former wart. I had never taken a single vitamin for getting rid of warts or applied a single topical agent to the wart during the time it was disappearing. God healed the inside, the soul and spirit, and the outer, physical healing followed.

Now Paul's statement in II Corinthians 12:9b - 10 takes on a new meaning: "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknessess, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

If we viewed each physical problem as a hint from the Lord that He wants to heal something emotional and spiritual inside of us, how would our lives change? And how much healthier would our physical bodies be?

I'm thinking more and more that the physical is a picture of the emotional and spiritual, just like the physical tabernacle on earth represented the Heavenly tabernacle.