More Thoughts on Re-Parenting

Speaking of re-parenting, I was surprised to find the concept expressed in a book my sister recently gave me, Flight from Intimacy, by Janae and Barry Weinhold. Before reading this book, everything I knew about re-parenting I had learned from Arthur Burk of Plumbline Ministries; I hadn’t really encountered the concept elsewhere. I was surprised to learn more about it from a book that is not written from a Christian perspective. Like so many Christians who understand inner healing, the Weinholds believe that emotional trauma in the womb and during the first three years of life produce most of the wounding that we carry into adulthood.

The authors provide a list of “developmental affirmations” that represent the emotional foundation we all needed to receive during our first three years of life. Reading through them, I knew immediately that I had never received some of these assurances. Numbers 5, 6, and 7 seemed to really strike a chord in my spirit. The affirmations:

1. I’m glad you were born.
2. You belong here.
3. I love you just the way you are.
4. You are loveable and capable.
5. You can think for yourself.
6. You can trust your inner knowing.
7. You can ask for what you want and need.
8. I will not abandon you.

Which of these do you believe? Which do you feel strike a chord in your spirit, something that says, “I wish my parents had convinced me of that”?

If you have some holes (and the Weinholds believe 98% of us do), you can ask your parents, if they are still alive, to tell you these things. Or you can have someone you feel close to “stand in” for your parents and read the affirmations to you in their place. Or you can tell them to yourself. In these ways, the Weinholds suggest, you can begin re-parenting yourself.

I appreciate the Weinholds and the great contribution they have made to emotional healing in writing this book and recommending ways to re-parent oneself. It occurred to me, though, that as Christians, we have a superior option. We can take these affirmations to the Lord and ask Him to plant these assurances into our spirits. It’s as simple as making a quiet time (or preferably several) in which you can bring each of these before the Lord and ask Him about them.

“Father, are you glad I was born?”
“Father, do I belong here?”
“Father, do You love me just the way I am?”

And so on. And then listen with your spirit to His response. If you doubt, I don’t think He would mind if you asked Him to prove it to you. Scripture is replete with the answers to these questions, as well. So, have fun with these. I’d love to hear about your insights or the answers you receive from the Father related to these affirmations.

Dreams: Your Spirit's Dais

My son has been studying dreams in his psychology class. Not only has he learned that sleep is "periodic, natural, reversible loss of consciousness," (I love that definition!), but he has also read that dreams represent our brains' attempts to make sense of random neural firings. Yes, we have heard that before from the character Graham in Mel Gibson's Signs, a naturalistic, hope-deprived view that he outgrows by the end of the movie.

Any Christian who has ever received a revelation, understanding, or encouragement from a dream must wonder, "Was God speaking to me through that dream?" We have multiple examples in Scripture of God doing just that. Was that only something God did during Bible times, or does He still communicate with His people that way?

The prophet Joel and the Apostle Peter predicted that God speaking through dreams would be a sign of the last days (Acts 2:17), although perhaps only if you are one of the "old men." We've been in "the last days" since Peter's time, but perhaps these signs will be getting more and more common as we get closer and closer to Christ's return.

Sometimes you might wake up from a dream with a clearer understanding of yourself and some emotional issue you have been dealing with. You may not even recall the events of the dream very fully, but you suddenly have a grasp on the emotional reality of the situation you've been involved with that you didn't have before. As I've thought about these instances, I've wrestled with whether they were direct revelations from the Lord, or whether they were something else.

It has occurred to me that my dreams may be the playground, the stage, or the dais for my spirit. During sleep, my body is somewhat inactive, and my conscious mind is out of the way. All the distractions that usually keep my spirit under wraps and stifled have been removed. My spirit, however, is awake and as active as ever. Perhaps my spirit broods over my brain cells, causing some of them to fire in a way that can send a message to my mind. Or perhaps there is a random physiological process that my spirit strings together creatively to send the particular message it wants to relay to my mind.

Either way, whether a dream is from the Lord or the creative declamation of my spirit, it is certainly worth my attention.

Not all dreams are the same. Some you wake up and brush off like so much lint or cat hair. But some stay with you and touch something deep inside. Those I like to ponder. Whether they represent a word from the Lord, or a word from my spirit (which, after all, is created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness, according to Ephesians 4:24), I can use them to improve my relationships, my understanding, and my service for the Lord.